Self Confidence

Noun: self-confidence `self'kón-fi-dun(t)s
A freedom from doubt and having a belief in yourself and your abilities.

Sounds like a very common word we have today and frequently applied in our everyday lives. It gives worth to you and pride for yourself. But how are you going to rate your confidence when you’re asked how confident you are in a certain thing? For example, in doing some things you usually love to do. For my case is drawing some gown designs on my own. It is not some kind of fashion design thingy but rather it is just merely a simple drawing. Some may be a copy of other’s design but I just tend to draw it for fun. I’ll just think of something that might make me look great if ever I am given a chance to wear it. But surely, how confident am I to show my works to others, especially to my closest friends? I know how to draw or I don’t know that I can draw, but I keep on telling myself that my drawings don’t deserve praise, not until our professor in Arts Appreciation says that I can really draw. That adds up my confidence in drawing and made me tell to myself that I should continue on it and strive to leave more about it. But there are also some factors, like lack of time that could hinder my striving to learn in drawing. Honestly, I dreamt of being a good painter someday ever since when I was in elementary but I can’t boost my confidence then so I’d keep it myself instead. There are also chances that my works in drawing would reveal especially during art work activities in elementary and high school. My friends as well as my teachers would encourage me to go on with this habit. I go on it but later on, slowly failing and started to give up. After another art work activities, my confidence then re-boost and fail and the cycle way round loops. Until such time when I go to college, it was during the time when I have to decide which college curricular program I should take, that made me decide that this thing I love to do is something that serves as my hobby to recreate a fun day for myself. I will draw whenever I wanted to and I should give a very good reward for myself and not to please anyone else. It is between me and me anyway. Hmm, sounds selfish huh? But we all know that we cannot please everybody. I don’t have the courage to show my art works to anyone, even to my family and to my closest and best friends. I can only appreciate it myself.

The question now is where is the confidence? Do I have a doubt on myself and not to believe on my abilities? Well, I can say that I could be proud my abilities if somebody else would appreciate my works. It may sounds like I’m a loser for someone else out there but I can’t help it. Maybe I should gain more self-esteem that could boost up my self confidence thereon. But taking it too much is a no-no!